dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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