More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
