It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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