Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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