He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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