I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
