I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
