the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
