I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
