We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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