so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
