even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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