Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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