Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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