just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
