There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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