She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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