you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
