Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
