He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
