I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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