best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
sex in a hospital.. check
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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