my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
