love makes seman taste better
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
