bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
