my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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