Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
