What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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