Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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