Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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