Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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