If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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