Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
