areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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