I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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