So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
