Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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