I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
