he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
