walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
