its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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