hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
