I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
