I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
