Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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