Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
