He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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