Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
