Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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