It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
